Artist Statement
Yesterday I had another critique in my Critique Seminar class with Pegan Brooke. Every two weeks we have to submit work for the group (twelve of us) to discuss critically. It’s structured with such tight deadlines to help the first-year students maintain a high-production art practice, and to introduce them to critical discussion about their work and processes. Right, I’m not new to that kind of discussion and sometimes the class feels a little rudimentary. The pace at which we’re expected to work is invigorating, and that is why I signed up for this course this summer. I love the two-week deadlines, as it sucks away any tendency I have to put off making work. And honestly, rudimentary can’t hurt. I feel like my rusty wheels need to be soaked in oil for awhile.
In addition to the artwork that we had to present yesterday (I submitted for discussion my glittery “It’s Inside You” painting from the Rituals Show) we also had to supply everyone with an updated artist statement to reflect the work we’ve been doing for the past six weeks. I was freaking out about this late Friday night, as I had no clue what to write. I’ve never met an artist who didn’t experience some sense of panic when it came time to write an artist statement. It’s torturous. I realized that my recent musings in my recent blog entry “Trajectory” were actually talking about the issues that I wanted my new artist statement to refer to. So I lifted several sentences and phrases and constructed the following statement. Since I have to turn this statement in to a review panel in two weeks, this is still only a draft. I am open to suggestions or edits (please!). If anyone has any revisions, please post them as comments and I’ll take them into consideration before I submit my work to the end-of-summer review.
Self-reflection is the driving force of my work. I am constructing images using symbols from experiences that are in one way or another associated with the awakening of my sexual awareness, or rather the dissolution of my sexual denial. That particular time demands exploration - not because of my interest in sexual identity or fascination with gender - but because of the tender, painful and dichotomous transformation that I undertook when I replaced my religious naiveté with a devastating acknowledgement of my unwelcome and shameful sexual orientation. I strive to make sense of the shift that took place in my self-perception, and the religious and sexual worlds between which I am continually trapped.
This is the investigation into my past, an examination of the division that took place when I was nineteen between thee me I wanted to be and the me that I couldn’t deny.
The advice from the group was to provide some general descriptions or visual references that will anchor the statement to my work. And also include one or two sentences that open the statement up from being solely personal to include a more general audience. Lastly a couple people were concerned with my ambiguous use of the phrase “unwelcome and shameful sexual orientation.” It seems unclear whether I’m referring to my current opinions or my past-perspective opinion, or the opinions of the religious context from which I was emerging. Honestly feel that it is all three of those. Despite how much I’ve come to terms with sexuality, I will always harbor a resentment toward it as the force which cleaved me out of the insentient bliss of my myopic faith.
July 30th, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Jason,
I was reading this artistic statement and wondering whether anything meaningful would finally appear and then there was this final phrase “cleaved me out of the insentient bliss of my myopic faith.” Now that is the closest I have heard out of you to what I would call an artistic statement.
And come to think of it, those same words might apply to how I struggle to understand what you are doing. My perceptions seem insufficient to deal with your images but I still have faith that — with your help — I will ultimately understand.
I am ready to let you call your sexual orientation “unwelcome” but I wish that you would get beyond “shameful” for you are a person who wants to present the truth and a truth-teller need not feel shame. You may recall that I have previously made a comment (haiku) about the shame part.
Did I ever meet anyone who fascinated me more than you? I think not.
Robert
July 31st, 2007 at 12:28 am
Robert,
Well I am certainly flattered that I hold the record as most fascinating person!
On the issue of shame, I don’t carry the same shame that I struggled through when I first came to terms with my sexuality. But shame is a sticky and staining substance, and there will always be parts of me that feel the mark it’s left on my life. Residual shame, perhaps, that doesn’t come from my sexuality, but rather my behavior during the time that I was ignorant of my sexuality. It’s not bad. It’s simply the way it is. We live life and grow, and either develop or don’t develop. The layers of new experience that we lay down never negate or completely cover the previous layers.
Your perception is not insufficient on how to understand my art. Good art is oftentimes not understandable at all, and therefore I’m flattered that you can’t make logical sense of it. I am not setting out to create riddles that have definitive answers, but rather to play around with visual elements that feel right (or wrong) that are not backed up by cognitive logic. Whether it makes sense or not, on some level you’re getting it.
Thanks for your comments!
Jason