Jason Driskill

Didn’t get the job. I don’t know what drastic measures to take to bring financial balance to my life here in San Francisco. My options: drop school and take on a part-time job, find a cheaper place to live, find better-paying employment. These are all insanely tough choices. School is part of an important longer-term goal. I love my living arrangement and my roommates. And overlooking the low-pay, I couldn’t design better employment. Work accommodates school, but not my living situation. My living situation accommodates peace-of-mind and therefore both work and school. And school doesn’t seem to accomodate anything. I even find myself using school as the scapegoat for not being able to pursue my artistic endeavors… but that’s bullshit. I think.

I keep trying to convince myself that I can eat my cake and have it too, that its possible for everything to balance itself out. But it’s not.

Something has to give, and I don’t see how taking on a part-time job in addition to my full-time job is a feasible option because I really need to be working on art part time. And since art is a priority, there is no reason that I shouldn’t get graduate credits for what I’d be doing anyway. So it comes down to the apartment and the job. Are there more suitable replacements out there? Yes. I just have not found them yet.

The choice is actually obvious. School, art, and work can all be considered investments. Rent is an expense and therefore takes priority as an adjustment to make. Even if it’s possible to make more money, it’s ridiculous to keep throwing such an obscene amount of money away on rent. This kills me, because I love the house and my roommates and the location and the backyard for Percy, and the awesome neighbors.

I can’t wait to see what sort of clarity ten days with my family might offer.

The song that’s stuck in my head is the “Going Back Song” by the Baptist Generals. It’s so lovely and haunting… I can’t figure out how or why I’ve developed such a strong connection to this song, but it contains a few moments that I’m tempted to call sublime. I urge you to hear it for yourself.