A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Work The Other Day…
…I got fired.
My desk was completely cleaned out.
“As we’ve discussed before, company property is not to be used for personal use. It has come to the Company’s attention that you’ve been breaking that policy.”
I was handed an envelope, the letter above, and a box of personal belongings. In less than ten minutes of my arrival I found myself out the door in the hallway punching the “down” button for the elevator. It’s amazing how suddenly the world can turn itself over. All of my anxiety about school disappeared. Aside from the sting of personal rejection, I’m more hopeful and focused than I was a week ago under the burden of employment. I’ve had four, extremely productive days to catch up on projects and readings that have gone unattended lately because of having a full-time job. I was foolish to think I could balance work and school. Perhaps even more foolish to think that my art career is going to advance by going through the tedious motions of a 9 to 5 office job.
What am I going to do now? These options are dancing through my mind:
Move back to Nashville and stagnate. Booooo.
Move to L.A., pursue scriptwriting, production work, and steer my video projects into a more narrative and possibly pornographic genre. Hmmm…
Stay in San Francisco and grow my art practice into a more professional state. Hmmm…
There’s nothing keeping me in San Francisco except closet-sized rent and the fact that I have to be here again for the summer of 2009. Art-wise, however, I don’t feel like I’ve exploited the resources that the city has to offer. As eager as I am to relocate, I think it’s too soon to move away just yet.
Taking a brief moment for critical personal reflection, I also have not exploited the resources that I can offer myself. I have not applied my scattered skills and knowledge to this concept of having an “art practice.” I have not exercised the discipline that I owe myself to explore my own professional potential. As much as I’ve developed my work, I’ve been roping myself to these extremely conservative, non-art, full-time jobs that allow me continue working as an art student, but only making little bits of art at a time. That bullshit has to end.
Hopefully my letter of termination tolls a new, more disciplined focus as an artist.