Dear Jason
Monday, October 13th, 2008Dear Jason,
I have a friend who loves to complain. He complains constantly about everything, but never makes any effort to improve anything.
Despite encouragement from advisers and peers, he continuously demonstrates apathy toward any kind of growth. I try to hang in there, offering him a kind word or bits of advice from time to time. Unfortunately the more optimism I offer, the more he seems to ignore me. And the more he resists my encouragement, the more I want to help him. My interest has passed the point of “healthy well-wishing” and is closer to “obsessive assertion of control.”
What can I do to save my friend from his own bad attitude?
Sincerely,
Wit’s End
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Dear Witless,
You have a kind and compassionate heart. But there’s more going on here than a general concern for your friend’s well-being.
Your pessimistic pal’s attitude and problems are parallel to the areas of your own life that feel out-of-control. His resistance to healthy choices reflect your own self-destructive nature.
As they say, “it’s always easier to solve someone else’s problems than to solve your own.” Matthew 7:5, in fact, is even more relevent to your situation: “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Considering the wise words of Ben Franklin, “God helps those who help themselves,” I wish to point out two things:
1) You are not God.
2) Let your friend help himself for a little while.
Rather than trying to solve your own problems by solving your friend’s, perhaps it would be healthier to focus on parallels between yourself and someone who has their shit together.
You are extremely talented, handsome, and capable of much more than you realize. Stop wasting your effort and energy trying to pull other people out of the muck and focus on getting yourself on solid ground.
I hope that unlike your advice-resistant friend, you take what I’m saying to heart and put it into practice.
Best of luck,
Jason